The grieving heart: loss of a love one

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

Death is something inevitable. It will all come to us sooner or later. That is something we all understand. But still, it hits hard when someone very dear to us pass away. It’s probably the most heart wrenching event of our lives. We feel a lot of emotions that is too much to bear. When this moment happen to you. Know that you are not alone.

5 stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, author of “On Death and Dying”

Photo credit to the owner

"Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it." – Albus Dumbledore

                Not all people have the same way of grieving. Whether you cry your heart out or don’t talk to anybody for a while, you are entitled to it. What’s important is to address your feelings. You may also feel regrets, guilt, anger and confusion along with that devastating pain, express it. You may talk to other love ones about how you feel (but do it when you’re ready) or you can find a creative way to express your feelings. Some may tell you that you have to be strong in facing your loss, but a strong facade will only delay the inevitable. You will still feel it and though grief doesn’t have a deadline, it will only prolong your healing process.

                Also, allow you family and friends to be there for you. It will help to have a support group whom you can talk to about your feelings (when you already feel like it) and sometimes, their mere presence can be a comfort already. It’s good to know that there are people who will support you, but then, you have to let them in.

“It is only when no one remembers that you are truly lost. That is the true death.” -Michael Scott

                Cherish all those memories you created together. At first, reminiscing can be very painful. But eventually, this will help you find solace for your loss. They are never truly gone so long as you keep those memories with you.

“Do not pity the dead. Pity the living. And above all, those who live without love.” –Albus Dumbledore

                Personally, the only way I achieved the final stage of grief easier than some will call necessary is because I always believed that one day, all of us will reach the end of the line. Either me first, or the ones I love. And somewhere, wherever they are, they are happier than I am for they are already in a place where there can be no pain, only love, peace and happiness. Don’t get it wrong. I still feel the pain from time to time and I don’t think it will really go away. But it’s no longer overwhelming. When I remember them, it’s now mixed up with good memories.

                And lastly, as you cherish the memories of your loss loved one, do not forget (and be afraid) to create more with your other love ones. Do not shut yourself away. Our loss should be a reminder of how short life can be. Celebrate life. Enjoy life. Gain Peace.

Unfreeze that “Frozen” parenting lesson

I have watched this movie for what feels like a hundredth time. If you are a parent like me, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be surprised with that. I have yet to see a kid who doesn’t like it, for girls, that is. Some would probably say, “ugh! Let it go!” But since I want other parents to be aware too, I just can’t.

I have learned with this movie is that, as a parent, being very protective to your kid is natural. I mean, we love them so much, and we have seen a lot during our lives that we don’t want them getting hurt. But being over protective can be very damaging to our kids too.

“It’s easier to raise strong children than fix a broken man.”

The king saw what Elsa’s power can do; instead of seeking advice and find ways to learn how her daughter can control her powers, she secluded her daughter from the rest of her world and ask her to suppress her magic which results to fear of just about everything and very low self esteem. In real life, on top of what happened to Elsa, children who have overprotective parents can have a rebellious streak thinking they no longer have control over their life. Or they can be too dependent to their parents that they can no longer handle challenges on their own. And sometimes, they are also having a hard time socializing.

Personally, I think this is one of the hardest trial for parents. Letting our kids fall so they can pick up themselves. But we are not doing them a favor by not letting them go through hard times. We cannot always be there to protect them and “every bird must leave the nest”. If we do not teach them resilience and other life skills when they are still little, they will have a hard time doing that when they grow up. And who doesn’t want their kid to grow up to be a strong, independent and responsible adult?

“House of Hades” and the lessons it taught me

                I am so in love with books. I especially like fantasy novels. Other people see novel books as a form of entertainment. A way to escape that monotonous or chaotic life. For me, it always gives us lessons in life. It’s an eye-opener so that we can understand ourselves more and the people around us. And here are some of the lessons the story and the characters taught me.

                Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase, their kind of relationship will surely become your “relationship goal”. They have literally been to hell and gone through a lot. And you know what keeps them fighting? They are together. And that is all that matters. They will not allow any harm come the other’s way as long as they are breathing. They were able to survive all the hurdles that were thrown their way because they kept on holding on to each other. It’s easier to just give up the fight, but they did not. In the end, they survived and thrived.

 “Love is no game. It is no flowery softness. It is hard work – a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you, especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards.” – Cupid to Nico Di Angelo

                True, love should be considerate, kind and beautiful. But just like a plant, you have to constantly cultivate it, water it, make sure it has enough sunlight and remove the weeds out of it so it will grow into a healthy, luxuriant tree.

                Piper Mclean, she is someone I can relate to. She got underestimated, ridiculed and looked down upon. Some make fun of her and wanted her to break. I learned that, people will only do that either because the fear you or envy you. Ever heard of the aphorism, “Misery loves company”? They have blinkered and tethered themselves too much that they don’t get to enjoy life anymore. That is why they either fear that you will not be just like them, or envy your guts not to be like them.

“I control my own mind.” – Annabeth Chase

                How heavy or light is your problem depends on how you wanted to look at it. Controlling how we perceive our problems will make it either easier or harder for us to deal with it. I think one thing we always forget when facing a problem is to relax and take a deep breath before we look at the problems at hand that is why we tend to be more reactive rather than responsive.

“You say you need a navigator. You need my permission. I say you need neither. It is time to choose a direction. A wind that blows aimlessly is no use to anyone.” Auster to Jason Grace

                We all have goals in life. Whether short term or long term. And before we will be able to achieve it, we have to have a plan first. Because without a plan and a path you choose to take, your goal will only be a dream.

                To those who already read the book, you may interpret it differently from me. But the good thing is, we learn from it. To those who haven’t read it yet, give it a try. It has a thrilling tale in store for you. 

DIY Homemade Squirt Paint

Ingredients:

2 cups of flour

1 cup of salt

2  ½ cups of water

Food coloring

                Combine flour, salt and water in a mixing bowl. Mix it thoroughly. Using another bowl, put the 5 spoonful of the mixed ingredients, and then put food coloring as you like it. Then put it in a squeeze bottle.

                See? Easy peasy! And it’s not even expensive. For the ingredients, it only cost me P140 (less than $4).  I bought the 5 squeeze bottles for P150 (less than $4), but you can also use, empty ketchup squeeze bottles or similar to that.

Note that this is not meant to use with a brush because of its consistency. But it’s very nice after it dried out because it looks like it has glitters on it. And just in case you didn’t use it for a few days, sometimes, the salt melts. It will be watery, but that’s fine. You can just shake it or stir it with a barbeque stick.

                As a mom, I encourage parents to have their kids try this especially for toddlers. Here are my reasons:

1.       It helps enhance kids creativity

2.       They express emotions though their doodles

3.       It helps with color familiarization

4.       It can be parent and kids bonding time

5.       It can help remove or reduce tv or gadgets time

6.       The paint stain in the floor or clothes is easy to remove

I also tried this one so my daughter can doodle with a paint brush.

1 cup of flour

¾ cup of water

¼ cup of oil

Food coloring

                Just the same, mix the flour, water and oil thoroughly. Put some of the mixture in a separate bowl and put food color as you like and mix it again.

Have fun mixing and painting!

The Power of Self Acceptance

It’s a big world out there. There are a lot of reasons to be happy, so many adventures to enjoy, and a lot of new things to discover. And I think the most important thing that is holding us back is the fact that we have not yet fully accepted ourselves. Yes, even though we have finally accepted ourselves, from time to time, we still feel unhappy; we will still feel fear and loneliness. But in learning to accept ourselves, we will be able to brush it off easily.

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with it can there be recovery.” –J.K. Rowling

            Understand that you are a human. Recognize that you have certain strengths and weaknesses. You have your own quirks. You make mistakes. You have your good side and bad side. Self acceptance is accepting and loving all of those things that make you who you are. Do not try to deny the things that you do not like about yourself as we may have certain trait in general, but no one will be exactly the same. It’s what makes us unique. It’s what makes each and every one of us so special.

However, accepting oneself is definitely not an excuse for not improving. In fact, it should help you achieve more knowing who you are, what you want and where you want to be. It’s just that you do not have to criticize yourself for every mistake you’ve made. You have to forgive yourself for your mistakes, learn from it, strategize, allow yourself to think of a way to solve it and move forward. You have your strengths; use it to achieve your goals. You have your weaknesses; you may try to improve it.

“Do not compare yourself to others, you are insulting yourself.” –Taylor Swift

            One of the reasons why it is so hard to accept ourselves is because we compare ourselves to other people. “How come she has that long beautiful hair and I don’t?” How come she has a car and I don’t?” and the list goes on.  If you keep on looking at other people’s lives, you will spend the rest of your life being miserable. First and foremost, not everything that you see in your friend’s Facebook account or any other social media shows their entire life story. Definitely, they have their own ups and downs, just like you, but most people only show the “highlighted” part of their story. Second, you do not have to keep on checking your social media every minute especially if you will just end up being a sour grape. Open your social media only if you want some catching up with friends. And last, turn that envy into something positive. Learn to celebrate other people’s success. Use them as an inspiration. Do some researches and make a plan. Know the things you are good at and use it as a leverage to achieve your goal.

            Know that by not accepting yourself, you are depriving yourself with these: Happiness, Personal growth, Peace, and Self Esteem.