Parent Shaming - It has to stop!

Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing to do in the world. - Matt Walsh

I have seen this on a Facebook page called Love What Matters. It's a page where they share inspirational short stories. As you can see in the screenshot, it is praising the nice Lowe's employee who helped pacify a cranky toddler. But for some people, it became their glorious mom shaming moment. They didn't bother to stop and remind themselves that they do not know the lady or the child and their entire life story at all.

Note: I don't want to show their name nor picture, this is not to shame them too. We cannot judge their entire being for what they said. The only point is to show an example of parent-shaming.

Another example of parent-shaming is the gorilla killing incident wherein a 3-year-old boy fell into a gorilla exhibit at the Cincinnati Zoo. I personally feel sad that the gorilla was killed. Who wouldn't? It's a critically endangered animal.

But seeing this kind of insults made me even sadder.

Just in case you're curious whether the mom is guilty or not, I saw this on CNN, Gorilla killing: 3-year-old boy's mother won't be charged.

Parent shaming nowadays became so rampant that it'll make you think that compassion has already run out of fashion. I have to admit that when I was younger (like college days), it's easier to question parent's way of disciplining their child. As I grow older, thanks to parenting articles and friends with kids, I became more and more aware of how hard it is to raise kids especially when I became a mom.

Let's face the reality. We are not perfect, never been and definitely never will be. And parenting doesn't come with a manual. It's a very hard job and it gets harder when other people drags you down. It's so upsetting, that it can make parents lose their focus in what matters most in raising kids.

How to stop? Before making a comment and hitting the enter button or spitting the words out of your mouth, think! Not only once, twice, but as many as needed. Learn to empathize. We all want to raise our kids properly and we are all doing our best. We all make bad choices in parenting one way or another. Are you a parent? Then yes, you are guilty too. Do not pretend otherwise. Bad mistakes don't make us bad parents. Mistakes help us learn, not just with parenting but for all aspects of life. What's important is we learn from our mistakes.

And just like this advertisement (I super love this powerful video!), Tang #WeAreHomeMade: No to Parent Judging, let us help build a community with compassion, spreading goodwill and giving courage to parents especially during their hard times.

I have also read a powerful message from reallifeparentingblog.com, "We have to stop separating ourselves from these awful events saying “that would never be me because I know better, I would do better, I am better.” Because we aren’t better. Most of us just haven’t found ourselves in the position to have the worst in an accident or tragedy come to fruition. We’re not better, just luckier."

And whenever you feel the urge to judge other parents, please read The Top 7 Reasons Why You’re Mom-Shaming. It will help you reflect and help you to heal. Yes! I know you are hurting too. The sooner you admit it, the sooner you will heal. The more we will be able to achieve a peaceful and happy community.

Father's vital role to his kids

“Fathers are far more than just ‘second adults’ in the home. Involved fathers bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring." - Dr. David Popenoe

An involved father is not just by living in the same house with his child and provides the child's basic needs (food, clothes, house, etc.) but actively interacts, shows affection, nurtures and being available to his child.

For children's cognitive development, studies show that fathers who are involved, nurturing, and playful with their infants have children with higher IQ's, as well as better linguistic and cognitive capacities. Children with involved fathers have better linguistic skills, intellectual functioning, and academic achievement among adolescents.

Also, involved father's kids are emotionally secure, confident in exploring their surroundings, and are more sociable. It is less likely for them to have behavioral problems or be involved in alcohol or drug abuse.

And there's a whole lot more advantages (child's physical, social, emotional, intellectual and communication development) of being an involved father than you could imagine. Dr. Gail Gross, a Human Behavior, Parenting, and Education Expert, Speaker, Author. Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., even said that "It is impossible to over-estimate the importance of dad."

This post is kudos to all fathers' (especially my hubby) for making the effort to be involved in your child's care despite the "old school" concept that the father is the provider and the mother should be the one to manage the home and the kids. It means a lot to mothers like me and most importantly to your kids. Thank you for helping to create a better world.

Source: The Importance of Fathers   in the Healthy Development of Children
by Jeffrey Rosenberg and W. Bradford Wilcox

4 steps in handling a meltdown

It's terribly frustrating to hear those constant tantrums. It's easy if what the kid is asking for is something feasible like she can't open her toy box on her own. You can simply ask her if she needs your help and voila! The tantrum stops.

But there are those moments that kids will be asking for something unreasonable. Just recently, my kid asked for a toy baby bottle to be opened just like her feeding bottles. But then I will have to break the toy to do that and so the nerve-wracking cry starts.

It feels like your ears are about to explode. Sometimes, you yourself wanted to cry too (I actually did sometimes).But through trial and errors, these are the steps I used whenever my daughter starts her meltdown.

• Stay calm

It's actually the hardest but most important part in handling a meltdown. The more frustrated you are, the more frustrated the kid will be. I usually count 1 to 10 and do a breathing exercise before facing my daughter.

• Let the child express themselves

I let my daughter cry for at least 20 seconds without talking. I don't dare to reason out as she is distraught and will not listen (Let's face it. Adults are unreasonable when distraught too.). I just let her cry (I'm just right in front of her). I keep on telling myself that even adults can have a hard time controlling their emotions and it's definitely harder for a child who doesn't have much life experience right? But I make sure that she's not hurting herself or anybody in the process.

• Hug your child

As soon as she allows me to carry her (sometimes it takes more than 20 seconds), I put her head on my shoulder and hug her. I allow some time for her to feel that I am there for her, that I care for her, and I love her. It's amazing what a hug can do to kids.

• Divert the attention

This is the part where I learn to be very creative. "Oh look at that picture! It's so pretty!", "Oooh... What's that? It's so colorful!", or I will give her a different toy or anything that will get her attention and put her in a different part of the house (from the living room to the dining room) so she will forget about the reason for her meltdown.

Whenever I am pretty sure that there will be no more meltdowns (for the same issue) and everything is calm, that's the moment that I talk to her regarding what happened. I explain to her why we cannot do it and try to offer her a more positive way in dealing with it. 

I hope this helps you, and I will be very glad to know how you handle yours so I can learn from it too. Feel free to comment below!

Perks of fishkeeping

This is actually hubby's new hobby not mine but I help out whenever I can. Although the set up is not yet done (there's a lot of brainstorming going on), I just can't resist showing it and sharing its benefits.

1. Relaxation

You don't have to go out to relax. Especially if you are a stay at home mom like me, just wait till they are all asleep. Watching the fish, the flow of water, the bubbles, etc helps soothes and calm your senses.

2. Bonding for couples

Feeling monotonous in your relationship? This is a good way to break the monotony. You can choose the fish to breed together. Both of you can check the best decoration, filter system, proper caring, etc.

Not only will it help you reconnect, the brainstorming will also bring excitement and fun in your relationship.

3. Hobby to business

I have always read of hobbyist turn entrepreneur. We (hubby and I) are not YET there but I honestly believe that this hobby has a potential to become a business.

4. Teaching kids a sense of responsibility

I think it's a good excuse for teaching kids what shared responsibility means.

By the way, just in case you're curious about what are those things inside the tank (aside from the fish, that is), we have a k1 media filter and a DIY shower filter.

This is the k1 media filter (the white ones inside the plastic bottle).The media is engineered in a wheel shape and is slightly positively buoyant. This allows a small amount of water flow to circulate the media throughout the vessel. This flow is created with your air pump and air stones or diffuser etc.  K1 Media provides the maximum active surface area for the bacteria to colonise, more than other types of static media. It is this process which removes harmful ammonia and nitrite from the water.

Aside from its benefits, we find it cute and pleasant to look at since it moves through the water. It like looking at a white lava lamp inside the aquarium.

This is the DIY shower filter made with PVC pipe connected to a submersible pump located at the back of k1 media. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get the step by step process for this one so we can share it. However, for DIYs regarding aquarium filters, etc., you may check The king of DIY on youtube.  There will be so much to learn from him. 

I'll keep you posted with our progress and I hope it will inspire you. Good day!

play dough : recipe and benefits

Ingredients:

1 cup flour

1 cup water

1 /4 cup salt

1 Tbsp cooking oil

2 tsp cream of tartar

food coloring

Put all ingredients in a sauce pan, the food coloring (or you can also use koolaid) will depend on how light or bright you prefer for your play dough.

Mix all the ingredients until it's clump free, put it in low heat and stir. Do not stop stirring until the play dough is formed into a one big clump.

Remove from heat (wait till it's warm, hubby didn't. Too brave!) and knead. Once cooled, it's good to go!

Play dough Benefits:

• Creativity

Ways of playing play dough are limitless. You can create animals, fruits, vegetable, desserts, snacks and shapes. Just give them a wide variety of items they can play along with it (molds, sticks, pebbles, marbles, kitchen utensil toys, etc.) to encourage their imagination.

• Fine motor skill development

Squashing, squeezing, rolling, flattening, molding and cutting play dough strengthens the hand muscles and coordination of children that will make them ready for pen, pencil, scissors, etc later on.

• Great family bonding

It's a great way to connect with kids since adults can really participate. You can have a theme day every week to make it more fun. 

• Stress Reliever

Did you ever use a stress ball? Play dough is also a good way for releasing tension and stress. You can squeeze, squash and roll it in your hands that will help soothe and calm not only the kids, but the adults too. 

• Lesser gadget time

If you are trying to cut out your kids' gadget time, this is a good way to divert their attention since creating things out of play dough will need their focus.

Tip: Place a plastic cover in the area where your kids will play so it won't stick on the floor, carpet, chairs with embossed designs, etc.

future politician

Something new generation parents can relate.